"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
