im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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