even my farts smell like vagina
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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