So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
