If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
