see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
