Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
