My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
