My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
