May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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