You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My cat gives me a boner
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
