It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
