This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
