You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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