she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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