When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
