where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
