he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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