She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
