Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
