He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
