i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
