Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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