You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
