I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
