your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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