How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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