I'm lost and stupid without you.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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