you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
