Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
