I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
