My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
