Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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