Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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