All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
