I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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