I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
