Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
