idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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