I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My vagina is officially offended.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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