She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
