it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
