you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i think i just lost a toe
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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