Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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