she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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