how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
