If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have fence marks all over my body
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
