does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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