Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
