u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
