she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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