I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
