I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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