the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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