Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
