Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
did i walk over a car last night?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
