My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They should really pass out barf bags in church
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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