Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
