You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
