I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
