Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
