alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
