I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize