I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
