His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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