when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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