im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
