apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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