I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
