if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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