Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
