I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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